


Knowby, Kandar and Williams

by Missy



Category: Evil Dead (Movies), Evil Dead - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Detectives, Gen, Humor, Time Travel, demon slayers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-23 18:12:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6125590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy/pseuds/Missy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of Army of Darkness, Ash and Sheila return together to the present and track down a still-living Annie Knowby.  Together the threesome try to figure out how to best use their skills for good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [OhNoNotAnotherFakeGeekGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhNoNotAnotherFakeGeekGirl/gifts).



> This is based on Oh No Not Another Fake Geek Girl's [Evil Dead Detective Agency AU,](http://ohnonotanotherfakegeekgirl.tumblr.com/post/138901715550/au-where-ash-and-sheila-come-back-from-the-past#notes) and is written via her permission.

“What does thou call this strange carriage, milord?” Sheila was poking at the interior of his new car, wincing at the tacky sensation of material sticking to skin. It was likely that the previous owner hadn’t taken the time to scrub down the interior before turning it in, not that Ash would have hesitated to buy it anyway.

“It’s a car,” said Ash flatly. “What’s the matter? Modern world’s boring you already?” To be fair, so far Sheila’s entire experience of the modern world has involved a trip to a campground shower, followed by a trip to an S-Mart warehouse and a trip to a used car lot. It’d bore anybody.

“Never,” Sheila said impassionedly. "I simply wish we were to where ye said we’d be.”

“Hey, the modern world’s mastered a lot of things but instant travel it ain’t got,” he said. “You sure those headlines are right?” he asked. 

“Ye saw them for yourself,” she said, preening. “Which one of us is the ‘primitive’ again?”

He glowered. “Just take another look at the paper.”

Sheila – quite deliberately and slowly- unfolded the page and cleared her throat. “Knowby heir survives wild animal attack, is sole heir to father’s research…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A re-meeting.

Several miles away from Ash and Sheila’s speeding car, Annie Knowby felt a bead of sweat drip its way down her forehead as she heaved her way back into the wheelchair that had been her home for the past four weeks. “I just don’t see what the use is,” she told the sturdy nurse who had just helped her through another grueling session of physical therapy. “I have ten percent sensation in my feet and negative percent sensation in my legs. What is all of this supposed to accomplish?”

“The doctors say it’s to keep your muscles in shape,” the nurse said, handing her a cup of ice water, “but I’d say it’s food for the spirit. Also there’s no such thing as negative percent sensation.”

“Balderdash,” Annie muttered. “You’ve seen the x-rays. It’s a miracle that I’m only paralyzed from the waist down.”

“You’re an archeologist, not a neurologist,” the nurse replied lightly. “You oughta know by now that the only way up is to stay staring straight ahead.”

Annie gave her a smile. “You’re awfully good at this pep talk stuff.”

She shrugged, fluffing Annie’s pillows before helping the girl settle into bed. “You have visitors in the lobby, by the way.”

Annie raised an eyebrow, drew the covers closer to her chest. It had to be Collins from the museum, just the man she was in no mood to converse with. “Send him in,” she said, ”if you can find him. How long have I kept him waiting?”

“Only a few minutes. Now eat your lunch and wait while I find the fellow.”

Annie ate her bland lunch and was reaching for dessert when the door creaked open.

Four minutes later, a too-familiar face walked through the door and was immediately beaned in the face by a well-thrown cup of lime Jell-O.

“AHH, my nose!” said the too-familiar voice attached to the too-familiar face, and he was immediately cosseted by an unfamiliar and slightly shorter woman with dark fairy princess hair in an ill-fitting pink sundress. 

The tone of voice snapped Annie out of her momentary panic, and she pulled the scratchy blue hospital blanket up to her chest. “God, Ash! I thought you were dead!”

“Are you crazy?!” he said. “Do dead people walk around screaming when their noses bruised up?” He went silent, cocked his head. “All right, maybe they do, but I’m fine.”

“What are you doing here?” Annie asked, suspicion in her tone. “What have you done?”

“Nothing, and nothing,” he said, pouting. “Look, I just felt responsible for you being stuck here. Wanted to see how you’re holding up.”

Annie’s stubborn jaw softened. “Sit. Have you gotten your stump looked at yet? You really ought to before you go.”

“I’m fine,” he snapped. “I’ve been through a hell of a lot of shit since then and everything’s still together.”

“Aye.” The dark haired woman who’d accompanied him into the room spoke suddenly, breaking off in her fascination with the IV kit beside Annie’s bed. Annie understood suddenly that the girl was not some local mark whom Ash had dragged to the hospital. “He wert quite brave – an amazing warrior of quality and virtue.”

Annie stared at her. “Your speech is certainly unusual. Did you know Ash then? He fought a war? Then your trip back to 1300 AD was successful?” she switched the address to Ash. “Did you do what I assume you did? A certain incredibly risky and horrifyingly dangerous thing that might spell doom for the time stream as we know it?”

“You’re still here, aren’t ya?” Ash asked, squirming under Sheila’s adoring look.

“M’lord Arthur wished him to be King,” the girl said. “And yet he refused. Twas a gesture of humbleness…admirable but uncharacteristic, to be honest.” The saccharine beam she shot him telegraphed an unspoken trust between them. Annie raised an eyebrow.

Ash said, “told you, tangles, it wasn’t my place. I belong here, with the blenders and the ice crushers and…other stuff.”

“’Tangles?’” Annie asked, only to have the woman immediately mirror her unspoken question. Ash kept staring at the floor but lifted his gaze to glare at Annie.

“Don’t ask questions, kid. Especially loaded ones.”

“I’m sure I wouldn’t ask any at all if you’d be honest with me. And for heaven’s sake, would you please introduce me?” Annie asked.

Ash sighed. “Annie, this is Sheila. Sheila, this is Annie Knowby, the daughter of the guy who screwed over humanity ‘til I monkey wrenched it back into shape.”

“Charmed,” Annie said, reserving a glare for Ash and offering Sheila a hand.

“How do you do?” Sheila asked, full of royal pride. 

“I’m going to have a doctor look at you,” Annie said, pressing the call button. “And then we’re going to talk about your little adventure. I need details.”

“He will likely not mind telling the tale,” Sheila smiled. “He tells it oft. And well.”

*** 

One extensive wound cleaning, a wound re-packing and an IV hook-up later, Ash found himself being trundled back into Annie’s room on a stretcher. “Watch the hair,” he instructed the orderlies who helped him into bed. “Thanks a lot,” he growled at Annie.

The object of his scorn sat unperturbed in her own bed, playing a card game with Sheila, who re-shuffled the deck and snorted quietly at his complaint.

“Obviously I should have let you sweat to death on your own recognizance,” Annie said.

“Whatever,” Ash grumbled. “Just keep playing your little game, I want some shut-eye.” 

Annie sighed. “Oh, very well. Sheila and I have a game to finish, and plenty of ways to keep ourselves entertained without the interference of men.” She’d spent too many days playing solitaire in her silent room, licking her wounds; for a girl that intellectually driven the solitude had been sheer torture. Annie hoped to teach Sheila a few more card games before turning in for the night herself.

Ash raised an eyebrow. “Can I watch?”

The pillow that collided with his nose provided him with a total and definite no.


	3. Chapter 3

When Ash woke in the morning, it was to the tune of happy feminine laughter and the sight of Sheila and Annie bent over a guide book and a set of dice. 

Maybe it was his breaking fever doing the talking, but he could’ve sworn that they were playing D&D. 

“My Mage takes a step into the dungeon,” Sheila said, confirming his question. “What doth she see?”

“Me killing a dragon because you’re both nerds,” said Ash, sitting up. “Why are you playing Dungeons and Dragons?”

Annie carefully gathered her die up and tucked it into a velveteen envelope. “I ran out of card games and the television scares her, so I had my nurse buy a set down in the gift shop.”

“Ye did not tell me there were spirit boxes in this time,” Sheila said, eyeing the television behind her with some disgust. 

“They’re not real…anyway,” Ash groaned. “They bring us our morning chow?”

“Yes, and you slept through it. Lunch will be in an hour – and I suppose it’s as good a time as any for you to tell me that story.”

Ash rolled his eyes, and then started the tale with all of the relaxed verve of a major-league pitcher beaning a rookie slugger with a tossed ball. Unfortunately, Annie was not a quiet, passive participant and she often interjected with either questions or exclamations of dismay – and endless comments about Ash’s failings.

“Why didn’t you just write the words on your skin?” she asked.

“Do you think I had a Sharpie? Anyway, if I wrote ‘em they’d probably have showed up on Evil Twin’s wrists, so I totally saved humanity. Basically.”

She did stay quiet enough during the battle. “So I left her there, went to the cave, slugged the juice, got some shut-eye and woke with a pretty brunette on my chest.”

“I wert miserable without him, and the Wiseman knew where he lay.” Sheila shot him another adoring look. 

“Lousy Alec Guiness looking jackass,” muttered Ash.

“My temperament was not suited to the nunnery, and my marriage prospects had been decreased by the land’s travails, so all agreed I should go to the future with him. It was an ordeal. Those rocks were incredibly heavy.”

“Wait, you lifted them by yourself?”

Sheila shrugged. “I hath never lacked weak arms.”

“Right,” Ash shook his head. “So that’s how we got here,” he said shortly.

“Fascinating,” Annie said. “Sheila, could you please check on the status of our lunch?”

“Of course,” said the girl, who quickly left to discover where the on-call nurse was.

The second she was gone, Annie turned her incisive glare on Ash. “Are you out of your mind?”

“I thought we figured out the answer to that is yes.” She moaned. “Don’t worry about it. I’m crazy like a fox, baby.”

“Your ‘craziness’ notwithstanding why on earth did you let that girl stay with you? She belongs back in her own time! Her being here might rip apart the very fabric of the linear continuity in which we live! What if she’s supposed to be the matriarch of a great dynasty?”

Ash shook his head. “Look, I’m a lot of things, but I ain’t that dumb. One day when she was out of sight I did a little looksee through the past; best I can tell she was supposed to die when the plague swept though Kandar in the 1320s. So I probably did her a huge favor by not turning her around. Besides, who the hell knows what’s in that stuff the Wiseman gave us? You think I’m some kinda fancypants bartender or something? Unless you wanna brew her a fresh batch, Sheila’s with me.”

Annie just smiled enigmatically. “There’s another reason you want her and we both know it.”

Ash looked uncomfortable. “She needs looking after, okay?” he said. “Besides, she didn’t have anyone back there.”

Annie made a soft sound; understanding. They both understood that Annie didn’t have anyone either, that Ash had lost most of his family; the three of them could rely on and trust one another, sharing the horrors that they’d faced from similar demons. “Then I suppose she made the right choice, coming with you.”

Ash shrugged. “So what happens next? Do we just go our different ways and pretend it never happened? We have to get our stories straight for the cops, but to level with ya – I really don’t want to deal with whatever mess they’re dragging around. I’ll just tell ‘em I remember nothing – which is what I wish were true.”

Annie groped for something that lay on the opposite side of the bed, hidden from Ash’s eyes. “I think I have an answer for that.”

When the book – THAT book, the fucking Necronomicon Ex Mortis, source of his misery and pain – flapped into view, Ash recoiled and threw his hands up. “JESUS. WARN me when you take that thing out!”

“This _thing_ is going to guide us on our journey, Ash. It’s been awfully active for the past few days. It’s as if you did something wrong when you returned to this time, but that has to be wrong….”

Ash looked incredibly nervous and her eyes shot daggers at him. He spoke quickly, “wait, active how? What does it do?!” Ash started staring at that stupid book with fear – true fear, the kind he’d never admit to feeling - in his eyes. 

“…Yes. Active. Active as in moaning about the souls it wants to eat. Also active as in keeps bleeding into my pack. Some artifacts are awfully annoying when they want to be.”

“JESUS, Annie!”

She just shrugged. “That’s the plain truth of it. I think we could use the book as a compass and try to learn what it wants us to learn –if you’re willing to follow it, of course.” 

Ash stuck out his jaw. “What’s in it for me?”

“A generally demon-free world of peace and brotherhood. Also your life, and probably hers.”

“Fine, you’ve got me. But how the hell are we going to use a creepy book made out of flesh to figure out what it wants?”

“Simple. We don’t go looking for the Evil – we let the Evil come to us.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Well, if you want the evil to come to us this is a damn fine place to do it.” Ash stood back from the doorway, still wearing his hospital bracelet, nervously examining the interior of the small double-room office. “What kinda southern-fried Texas Chainsaw hell did this place come from”?”

He was, perhaps, overstating his case; though the room was small and dusty it was nowhere near hellscape levels of disrepair. “T’is in a prime location,” Sheila said from behind him – she had been the one who had done the searching, renting and purchasing while he and Annie finished their recovery process in the hospital. “It may need some dusting, a bit of advertisement –but all shall be well for us here. It is proper and a decent place of business in a goodly building.”

“Yeah well – you ain’t the only one with a voting opinion here, babe. ANNIE! What do you think?” he called back into the hallway, toward the elevator she’d just exited.

It took the other woman a moment to wheel up and peer into the room. “Well, until further notice I’m siding with Sheila,” Annie said, pushing between them and peering into the room from the vantage point of her chair. “This is a perfectly suitable place with perfectly solid brick walls – which is something we’ll likely require if we’re confronted with any…Deadites?” she was still acclimating herself to using that word.

Ash frowned and stood back, protectively still. “Yeah, Deadites! It’s what I call ‘em, so what?! Anyway, you got nothing to worry about. I’ve got a double barrel and it works just fine on ‘em.”

“That reminds me, I need to buy more weapons for Sheila and me. You may be set with your gun and you chainsaw but we need to protect ourselves…”

“Hey, I can take care of you both just fine!” pouted Ash.

“How typically chauvinist of you,” she said. “What if we don’t want you to take care of us?”

“Indeed,” Sheila said. “Mayhap we wish to battle on our own strengths against the dark forces!”

“Great, the two of you running around town together. That’ll be a load off of my brain,” Ash grumbled. “At least let me teach you both judo or karate or something.”

“Yes. The judo I can apply to a felon from a sitting position.” She wheeled toward the center of the room. “Sheila, let’s make a list of what we need to spruce up and repair this place. Ash, do you still have credit down at the S-Mart?”

“Hell, they still think I work for them.” A devious look crossed his face and both women sighed. “Think I can get away with using my employee discount?”

“You should keep the job, my trust fund could run out at any minute,” Annie said. “God knows I’ll have to check in with the museum soon.” She watched Sheila scribble on the pad Ash had bought her at their last stop-off. 

“According to my calculations,” Sheila said, “we hath enough for cleaning supplies. And much more than enough for some simple desks and files and things needed to run an office, or so “Moonlighting” hath taught me. The computers shall be trickier.” 

“Oughta be cheaper to teach you to be a secretary,” Ash grumped.

“I may do that!” Sheila said chipperly from the other side of the room. Two sets of curious eyes turned toward her and she added quickly, “tis far easier to teach oneself to type than ‘twould be to train one.”

“Do you even know anything about keyboards?”Ash said.

“Business is done ‘pon them! That is how Jumping Jack Flash cares for her affairs!” Sheila said.

“Yeah but you ain’t…aw screw it! Gimmie the list – I’m gonna take a hike and get some cleaning supplies,” he grumbled. “Before you decide we need a cat or something.”

“Too much work,” Annie said, as Sheila ripped the piece of paper off and handed it over. “Bring me a lizard,” she suggested sarcastically.

 

Ash nodded once, rolled his eyes and headed out the door.

*** 

Six hours of cleaning and redecorating later and they had something of a decently-decorated office. It was a warm and soft place when dusted, waxed and arranged. Ash had brought a small houseplant to decorate Sheila’s desk, and cordoned off his small office from Sheila’s reception area and Annie’s desk with large, colorful blue sheets. They almost looked like professionals. Almost. Maybe with a really cool neon sign or something…

“Okay, so how do we start? Do we put ads in the paper or what?” he asked.

Sheila had meanwhile perched at the foot of the desks and was watching a soap opera on the small television Ash had found near the dumpster – she had absolutely no idea what to do and simply shrugged, no longer afraid of the box, using it to take notes.

Annie tapped her chin with a pen; she’d been scribbling on Sheila’s pad since they’d all settled down to rest after finishing the clean-up. She reached into her bag and Ash and Sheila simultaneously recoiled as a very ugly book was tossed onto Annie’s desk. They were all too familiar with the Necronomicon at this point. It was indeed bleeding – leaking old blood, dark blood, from its ancient mouth, which trembled.

“I still don’t know how the hell did you smuggle that blasted thing into and out of a hospital?” Ash said.

“Bribery will get you fair. Did you know the radiograph floor was funded by my father?” Annie asked.

The book, meanwhile, wasn’t afraid to speak its mind. “THE CHURCH SHALL BE MINE!” it bellowed, expelling foul, enormous gouts of air, blowing their hair straight back and up into the air.

Annie stuffed the book’s mouth shut with a stapler and then shoved it back into her pack. “There’s our answer,” she said, and reached for a phone book. “Sheila, help me start calling around to churches. Ash, find out how much it costs to take a print ad in the examiner. The hunt is on!”


	5. Chapter 5

“The church,” it seemed, was not a helpful appellation. In fact there were at least four different churches on the block, and all of them seemed to serve a different section of the community. Sheila and Annie kept calling around, searching for anyone who might be willing to speak in confidence and with concern to them about whatever evil might be afoot. Ash, meanwhile, found himself struggling with the ombudsman. Eventually a simple, cheap ad took shape. He showed it to Annie and Sheila over coffee that Sunday.

He read it aloud with great relish. “Got problems? Need help? Call 1-555-664-9959.”

“GOOD GOD, you’ve sunk us! We don’t even have a phone installed,” Annie said. “What does it even connect to?”

“YOU’RE the one who wanted the ad done!” Ash replied. “I had to swing on the fly! That’s the number to the phone booth in the Italian restaurant under the office. If we have enough dough left after we get a real line in, I’ll have the ad changed. Til then, be happy I didn’t have enough cash leftover to add a spooky ghost cartoon to the corner like they wanted me to.”

Sheila squinted at the ad. “A ghost would have been an improvement.”

“Annie’s paying for breakfast,” Ash declared loudly.

Annie sighed. “If you must be so Medieval about it..” she winced at Sheila’s expression. “Poor choice of words,” she corrected herself quickly. 

“Mayhap if we went to the library to check the archives?” Sheila said. “If any foul horror had occurred due to the book’s wicked scheme, surely there should be articles about it lying about.”

“That is an excellent idea,” Annie said. “Ash, you should stay behind and see if anyone calls- Sheila and I will head to the library and start researching. We’ll be back with what we find instantly!”

“Hey, why do I have to be the one to stay behind?” he asked. “I’m the one with all the firepower!”

“And you’re also the one with no people skills,” Annie said. “The last thing we want is to end up getting kicked out before we finish up.”

“Hey, I have plenty of people skills! I was an eagle scout! Okay, so I played Magic with some Eagle scouts….”

“Just stay by the phone,” Annie scolded.

Ash grumbled, complained, but did nothing as the two women exited the diner ahead of him, and he prepared to walk back to their little office over the italian restaurant.

**** 

Sheila sneezed as she dropped a pile of dust-covered books by Annie’s elbow. The other woman sat close to the projector, flicking from article to article, paper to paper.

“The coast seems clear,” Annie frowned. “Not a single sighting or possession in the metropolitan area for the last few months.”

“Shall we think globally?” Sheila asked.

“I just got off of a plane,” Annie said. “I swear, if that book’s talking about some other church in some other country….”

“ **BLITHERING FOOL!”** called the book from deep within her pack, as outraged and full of life as a human’s voice, “You’re looking in the wrong place!!! Your powers of observation weaken as my dark beliefs grow stronger! And I-“ The book’s angry ramblings were cut off as Annie grabbed her scarf and plunged into the book’s gaping maw. 

“Look closer,” Sheila murmured. “What on earth could it mean by look closer?” 

The front desk librarian appeared by the table two seconds later. “Would either of you be a miss Knowby?” she asked. 

“That would be me.” 

“There’s a call from a mister…” she trailed off and adjusted her spectacles, “ahh, it’s got me by the ears why won’t it stop pulling get off you little cretin – Williams.”

Annie was already shoving her chair toward the desk and Sheila – the book in her hand – raced to keep up. Once Annie laid hands on the phone and picked it up Ash’s screams emitted into the air, loud and frighteningly sharp.

“Ash! We’ll be there in a minute!” 

“No! I’ve got it all under control DAMN IT GET YOUR HAND OUTTA THAT!”

“SWALLOW YOUR SOUL, swallow your soul!!” 

“What was that?” Annie asked.

A gushing sound. “History,” Ash said. “I can hold ‘em off but there’s gonna be some awkward questions if the cops see this.”

“We’ll be right there,” Annie said – and she and Sheila sped their way back to the library, leaving without checking out any of the books they’d tried. It took them a good twenty minutes to hail a cab, possibly because Sheila started screaming impatiently at the passing vehicles in Latin and the drivers fled in panicked aggravation. 

The found Ash sitting outside the restaurant, calmly wiping the goo and blood from his chainsaw. A police officer pulled away just as they pulled up, and left without interviewing them. 

“Well,” Ash said, approaching Annie’s cab, “the good news is the rent’s free for the next few months. Bad news is, our landlord tried to smash my face into the cash register. And he chewed my ear off, but I think that might just be his way of saying he was lonely.”

Annie eyed the destruction Ash had left behind with curious eyes. “Are they all gone?”

“Basically,” Ash said, which earned him glares from the women. “What? You think I really kept count while I was trying to kick ass? Anyway, I also got us our first client.” He brushed a sticky handful of hair back and around his earlobe. “Old Mario had a sister who wants us to figure out what the hell happened back there. I said yes after she waved some greenbacks under my nose.” 

“What does thou think, Annie?” asked Sheila.

Annie’s response died in her mouth as the book started chuckling from the satchel still looped over Sheila’s shoulder. “FOOLS! The answer you seek lies before you!”

All at once the answer came to her. “The church isn’t somewhere else in the city,” Annie said. “It’s right here. The restaurant and office must be on hallowed ground gone sour!”


	6. Chapter 6

“That was one hell of a leap,” Ash complained. They were watching what remained of the Angione family mop up their restaurant in the hope of opening the next day. “What if you’re wrong?” 

“It would explain why it keeps bleeding whenever we’re here,” Annie said, cringing as she shoved the book into her bag.

“I just thought it was medium rare,” Ash said, which earned him a hard elbow from each woman. “Hey, you know I don’t have any freakin’ experience with this garbage,” he grumbled. “You two’re the Latin experts, you tell me what the hell the blasted thing’s trying to say!”

Annie sighed and took a long sip from her beer. “I guess our only option is to take the long way around.”

“I hope the long way provides answers,” came a voice from behind the counter; it belonged to a slim, black-eyed woman with erect posture who eyed them from across the counter. “That was my family.”

Ash offered comfort the only way he knew how. “Yeah. Shit sucks. Trust me, I was the devil’s favorite Hoover for awhile myself.”

“The police said that you stopped this. You’re in my debt, in a strange way – for stopping their suffering,” she added quickly. “If you can permanently exorcise the restaurant, I’ll reward you handsomely.” 

Ash raised an eyebrow. Normally a woman in a position like this one was more concerned with the souls and eternal rest of their loved ones. “Uh….”

“…For the correct price, we’d be pleased to,” Annie said, and Ash’s eyes shot toward her face in complete surprise. 

“Of course,” said the woman.

“Cash up front,” Ash said, earning him another elbow from Annie. 

“Of course,” she said, reaching into her pocket book. She scribbled an amount on a check and handed it to Annie.

Ash read the amount over her shoulder and his eyes bugged out. “Hot damn,” he said. 

“We’d be delighted,” said Annie, “to help you with your problem,” she said, tucking the money into her chest pocket. “But first, we have to arm ourselves.”

*** 

The trip to their local gun store was eventful enough to provide Ash with several small guns for the girls and an even bigger set for himself. Unfortunately he didn’t know a guy with a semi-automatic, but he managed to find something easy to modify – and a bunch of grenades. There were firebombs and Molotov cocktails – Sheila’s department – if they needed to go full Talk about making Annie eat her words. She even smiled when he insisted on spending an hour modifying her wheelchair into a plush death tank.

All the time Ash worked, Annie researched. She and Sheila trudged from the library and back, until, wide-eyed, Sheila grabbed him by the shoulder and almost got a bunch of buckshot in the shoulder.

“We hath found it! The source of the evil!” She whispered in his ear. “It’s right under our feet.”

“No fuckin’ way,” Ash groaned. “Not the basement.”

“Yes, the basement,” Annie said from the doorway. She picked up the machete he’d bought for her during the shopping trip and hefted it skyward. “And I have the keys.”

Ash glowered. “Damn it. If I end up with demon bites on my butt I’m gonna get you two.”

“You and the demons,” said Annie flatly, urging him out the front door and toward the basement door.


	7. Chapter 7

“It smells like sulfur down here,” Ash muttered, hand resting on the butt of his gun. “Like someone took a big, eggy dump right in the middle of the floor or something.”

“I see your sense of etiquette is taking the day off.” Annie’s own hand tightened around the axe she held, and handed it over to Sheila for safety’s sake. It felt dangerous to be travelling so slowly; Sheila, her own sword balanced against her shoulder, kept her eyes peeled for any demonic activity. “Try to concentrate on your surroundings, keep your mouth shut for once.”

“Short stuff, these things don’t know anything about etiquette,” Ash scoffed. 

“Tell me about it,” said Annie. “And I suppose I don’t want you to treat us with kid gloves.”

“Hell no. Got your gun?” 

“And my blade,” she declared. They came to the end of the hallway as she mentioned it, and they all paused to take a bracing breath before Ash pressed his open palm against the doorway and took a deep breath before he kicked the door down, hand on the pullstring for his saw, yelling and screaming all the while, both women yawping their own war cry as they brought up the rear with their own weapons. 

He heard the crackling of a fire but nothing else.

Then there was a cackle. A very evil, very pointedly mean-spirited and unfamiliar cackle. His sensitive ears heard Sheila hoist her axe and Annie tap her index finger against the trigger button. A sudden assault of sound and light should be the next step….

But the skittering that sent Ash hauling around and made him blow a hole in the foundation wall, scattering dirt all over them. 

“Damn it Ash, keep your hand steady!”

“It’s plenty steady!” Ash said, as the mouse skittered off toward the relative safety of the deeper shadows. “It’s not my fault that blasted….” He stopped. His ear twitched. Damn it, this time he didn’t imagine it!

Unfortunately, all of the anticipation and preparation in the world couldn’t brace him for the sensation of being picked up by pure, unadulterated evil and slammed into the ground. Winded, Ash tried to figure out what had grabbed him by the leg and rudely heaved him toward the ceiling but saw absolutely nothing. 

“We have to manifest it in the flesh!” Annie called.

“AGAIN?” Ash panted as he was dragged from the ground, crying ‘no’ over and over again, the horror of the situation pure and frightening enough to make him lose some of his cool. The grip of the entirely-invisible demon was incredibly strong and impossible to fight from this angle. 

“IT HAS TO HAPPEN EVERY TIME!” Annie yelled. Sheila, clinging as she was to the handlebars of the wheelchair, hoisted her axe over her head and, by some miracle of motion, managed to catch Ash’s pantleg and yank him to the floor in any ungraceful heap.

Ash groaned and looked up, puffing a mouthful of dust out of his mouth. “You got the passage, smart stuff?” Ash asked Annie. 

She grinned and reached into her runsack. The book howled in her hand and she threw it to Ash, battling its way through the space and the demon-caused wind. He caught it easily and flipped the page open to its proper, bloodstained and HEAVILY bookmarked by Annie page. “Heh. Caught it one-handed!”

“RECITE THE DAMNED THING! DO IT NOW!” Annie yelled over the howling demons. 

Ash did fairly well with the recitation. He did notice something as he ducked pieces of metal and hid behind Sheila’s deflection work with the handle of the axe. The ghosts were once traditionally transparent, whips of smoke from the boiler when they were born, but gape-mouthed and with semi permeable teeth that looked ready to chomp down on his tender flesh – but the more he talked the more opaque they became. Ash was good at keeping his eyes peeled – just ask him about it, he’d gladly talk about it for fifty years – and he swiveled to follow the sound, the motion that taunted him. Sheila was the one who managed to keep them all safe until it was manifested fully in the flesh. 

Ash just stared at the end result. “Really? Manifesting as a Halloween decoration? You expect me to piss my pants over this Sta-Puff Marshmallow?” he scoffed. “Come on! I’ve seen worse than the likes of…” the ghost reared back and promptly pasted Ash right in the face with a wave of green goo. “EW!”

“GET RID OF IT!” Annie yelled, but Ash was trying to clear his eyes. In frustration, Sheila grabbed the book from Ash’s hand and started reciting the passage at the top of her lungs. She made it halfway through the recitation before the ghost backhanded her off her feet, and she flung the book into Annie’s lap. By then Ash had recovered and started trying to kick and punch the ghost into goo. But the process was anything but swift.

“ANNIE!” he bellowed. “DO IT! SAVE US!”

Annie didn’t think she could, but she didn’t say so. Growling, her hand pressed the button Ash had installed on the arm of her chair, which immediately caused a machine gun to pop up. She whistled, then, finger on the trigger, started to plug the ghost with holy water laden bullets while reciting the passage, followed quickly by the banishment spell. A bright light filled the rim of her vision before a violent shockwave spread over and through the air. Annie and her chair were shoved back against the door, while Ash and Sheila tumbled haplessly like ragdolls as they tried to roll toward safety. 

Silence filled the room. “The room…it’s clean,” Annie said, mopping her sweaty face with her sleeve. “Are you both all right?”

“Aye,” Sheila said, carefully shifting back to her feet, wincing as she did.

“Yeah,” Ash said, shifting back to his feet. “Well, girls, look like we did it. And all thanks to my prowess..”

Annie’s eyes were focused beyond Ash’s shoulder, at the looming figure of the ghost as it grew larger and larger. “Ash.”

“Quiet! I had a whole speech and you’re screwing it up! Anyway, thanks to my prowess everything’s safe. But you did your parts too. Looks like we make a pretty damn good team….”

“ASH!” both women yelled.

“What?!” He shouted, turning back toward the place where the ghost had once stood. And from the heavens a wave of white and pink goo flooded over Ash, inundating everyone in the room.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A coda for the end of the first chunk of the series!

“Well, we’ve done it again.”

Annie barely looked up from the pile of bills she’d been sorting as Ash spoke. In the month that had passed since they’d sealed the porthole between this world and the next things had gotten downright peaceful in their neck of the woods. They’d had money enough to set up housekeeping near Ash’s old apartment, and money still left over to maintain their office. The ink on their lease was still drying, but the heiress to the pizza place seemed willing to put up with them if they were willing to put in a little extra time on any cases that sprung up involving the building. On that front the sailing was smooth, and the business was thriving thanks to the paranormalists who were super excited to catch a glimpse of the place where such an infamous haunting had occurred.

In short everything was coming up Kandar-Knowby-Williams. He once again saw the letters etched onto the door and wondered why he’d given in so easy to their suggestion.

“Well, done what?” Annie asked, sliding a guide book over to Sheila as she settled behind her desk. 

Ash held out the morning paper and pointed to it. “Local spook hunters make a killing hunting for bad boogums.” He squinted at the headline. “They need to hire new writers at the Gazette.”

“This’ll be better publicity than the ad,” Annie grinned. She rolled the dice and told Sheila, “natural 20.”

“I believe this maxes out your charm levels,” Sheila said.

“Yes, it does.”

Ash eyeballed them. “I don’t believe you’re really gonna sit here and play this nerd game.”

“Why shouldn’t we?” Annie asked. “It’s fun, educational and lets me pretend I’m an all-powerful winged goddess.” 

“Be careful what you wish for,” he deadpanned. “So deal me in.”

Sheila smiled. “I believe we have a lot to teach him.”

“Definitely,” chirped Annie. 

Ash frowned and leaned against the desk. “Make fun of me or teach me, I don’t care – just deal me in!”

The two women passed him a character sheet, and as they argued about the value of paladins and the need of every knight to have an amazing haircut, the threesome played well into the night, strengthening their bond and making their evening even brighter than it ever would’ve been were they all alone.


End file.
